You know those days where everything just feels off? Well, let me take you back to one of mine. I had just walked through the door after a long, exhausting day as a leadership facilitator. Now, when I say long, I mean the kind of long that makes you wonder if time itself has slowed down just to mess with you. I’d been running a six-month leadership program for first-line leaders and mid-managers, and to say I was drained would be the understatement of the century.
I walked in, dropped my bag, and there was my spouse, ready to greet me with some innocent comment—I couldn’t even tell you what he said. But before I knew it, I snapped. Just like that. He looked at me, bewildered, and said, “Who peed in your snow?”
Well, that set off a little back-and-forth. I don’t remember the exact exchange, but let’s just say I was more than a little hot under the collar. I stomped off to the bedroom, slammed the door, and promptly passed out for a nap that was long overdue.
The Turning Point:
A few hours later, I woke up, much calmer, and a bit sheepish. You know what they say—never do anything when you’re angry, tired, or hungry. Well, I’d checked all three boxes. I went back to my spouse, apologized, and said, “Look, after some reflection, I realized something. I’ve been knee-deep in a spreadsheet all day, and I had zero people interaction. Zero! And no people interaction makes Mimi a very grumpy girl.”
He laughed and said, “You’re what I’d call an over-raging extrovert.”
He wasn’t wrong. I get my energy from people. 80% of my job involves facilitating small groups, connecting with others, and being in the thick of it with real, live humans. I love that part of my job. But that day? That day was all about sitting in my office, drowning in reporting that absolutely needed to be done. But did I love it? Heck no! Actually, I hated it. But hey, it was necessary. We all have those parts of our job, right? The parts that make us question all our life choices.
The Revelation:
That whole episode got me thinking about this concept of flow—when you’re so immersed in an activity that time just flies by. You’re in the zone, ideas are flowing, and everything just clicks. That’s how I feel when I’m facilitating a class or giving a keynote. I’m in my element, and it’s powerful. It’s like the universe is handing me all the right moves on a silver platter.
I realized that understanding what activities put me in that state of flow was key. Because when I’m in flow, I show up better—I’m more patient, more creative, and way more effective. But when I’m stuck in something that drains me, like that spreadsheet, I’m like a phone on 1% battery—barely hanging on and definitely not performing at my best.
So, I did what I do best—I started researching. And who better to turn to than the master of flow himself, Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi? In his book Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience, he says, “Flow is the state in which people are so involved in an activity that nothing else seems to matter; the experience itself is so enjoyable that people will do it even at great cost, for the sheer sake of doing it.”
That quote hit me like a ton of bricks. I realized that when I’m in flow, I’m not just doing my job—I’m thriving. And if I could figure out how to get more of that in my life, I’d be unstoppable.
Finding Flow:
So here’s what I did. The next time I had to dive into one of those dreaded spreadsheets, I made a plan. I decided I’d get up every hour, stretch, and walk around the office. I made sure to schedule lunch with a coworker that day—gotta get that people energy! And you know what? It made all the difference. I wasn’t just getting through the work—I was managing it without losing my sanity.
Now, maybe you’re not a people person like me. Maybe you’re the opposite, and you need more alone time to recharge. That’s cool too. Whatever it is that puts you in flow, create moments in your day that allow you to do just that. Maybe it’s locking yourself in a conference room, shutting the blinds, and focusing without interruption. Or maybe it’s taking a walk outside, sitting in your car, or just finding a quiet spot to breathe and think.
Techniques for Incorporating Flow:
1. Identify Your Flow Activities:
Think about the activities that make you lose track of time, where you feel most engaged and effective. For me, it’s facilitating and speaking. For you, it might be different—whatever it is, know it and own it.
2. Schedule Flow Time:
Don’t leave it to chance. Build your schedule around these activities. If you know you have tasks that drain you, balance them with something that energizes you. For every hour in the spreadsheet, make sure you have time to recharge.
3. Reflect and Adjust:
After a particularly good or bad day, reflect on what happened. Were you in flow? If not, what threw you off? Adjust your schedule or routine to make sure you’re getting more of what fuels you.
That little meltdown of mine taught me a big lesson about finding flow in leadership and life. It’s not just about getting the job done—it’s about doing it in a way that makes you feel alive, engaged, and at your best. Whether you’re an extrovert like me who needs people, or someone who recharges in solitude, find your flow and embrace it. Because when you’re in flow, you’re not just working—you’re thriving. And that, my friends, is the real secret to peak performance.
So, the next time you find yourself knee-deep in a task that drains you, take a step back. Think about what puts you in flow, and make a plan to get there. Trust me, your future self will thank you.