Let me let you in on a little secret: Influence isn’t some magical talent you’re born with—it’s a skill you develop. The kind of skill that makes people lean in when you talk, trust your vision, and say, “I don’t know what it is about her, but I’m all in!”
Think about the leaders who’ve made a real impact on you. Were they just naturally gifted? Or did they consistently show up, build trust, and communicate in a way that inspired action? Spoiler: It’s the second one.
The good news? You can learn how to do it too. It all comes down to four simple questions your audience is always asking:
- Am I safe?
- Do you care about me?
- Is this engaging?
- Is this inspiring?
Master these, and you’ll have the kind of influence that moves mountains—or at least gets people to stop ghosting your emails. Let’s break it down.
Step 1: Am I Safe? Build Trust First
Listen, if people don’t trust you, you might as well pack it up and go home. Trust is the foundation of influence—without it, nothing else works. Trust makes people feel safe, and when they feel safe, they’re open to hearing you out.
But here’s the deal: Trust isn’t built overnight. And it’s definitely not built with empty promises or phony smiles. Some leaders think their title automatically earns trust (spoiler alert: it doesn’t).
How to Build Trust:
- Be consistent: Say what you mean, mean what you say, and follow through. Every. Single. Time.
- Own your mistakes: No one trusts a know-it-all, but they’ll respect a leader who says, “I messed up, and here’s how I’m fixing it.”
- Listen for real: When someone’s talking to you, stop scrolling Instagram and give them your full attention.
Example:
I worked with a leader once who made promises like it was her favorite hobby. “We’ll have this done by Friday!” she’d say, knowing full well Friday wasn’t happening. After a while, her team stopped believing her. Compare that to a leader who delivers on their word consistently—they’re the ones people want to follow.
Step 2: Do You Care About Me? Understand Others’ Needs
Let me tell you something: People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care. Period. If someone feels like you’re only in it for yourself, they’re not going to follow you—or even hear you.
Influence happens when people know you care about them, their needs, and their goals.
How to Understand Others’ Needs:
- Ask better questions: Instead of assuming, ask them what matters most.
- Show empathy: You don’t have to fix everything, but you can say, “I hear you, and I understand how you feel.”
- Tailor your approach: Adjust your message to speak directly to what they care about.
Example:
In a team meeting, instead of saying, “Here’s what we’re doing this quarter,” try starting with, “What’s been the biggest challenge for everyone this week?” That one question shifts the whole energy of the room because now people feel seen.
Step 3: Is This Engaging? Communicate Clearly
Have you ever sat in a meeting where someone just rambled on and on, and by the end, you didn’t even know what the point was? (We’ve all been there.)
Here’s the thing: If your message isn’t clear, no one is listening. Influence isn’t about talking more—it’s about talking better. When you communicate clearly and make it engaging, people lean in instead of tuning out.
How to Communicate Clearly:
- Get to the point: Say what you need to say without all the fluff.
- Use stories: People remember stories, not bullet points.
- Make it simple: Break big ideas into bite-sized pieces.
Example:
I once watched a leader explain a new initiative using just three slides and a story. No jargon, no endless graphs—just a clear message about what the initiative meant for the team and how it would make their lives better. By the end, the room was buzzing because everyone understood the vision.
Step 4: Is This Inspiring? Inspire Action
Here’s where the magic happens. Influence isn’t just about getting people to listen—it’s about inspiring them to act.
People need to feel excited, motivated, and part of something bigger than themselves. That’s how you move them from “meh” to “let’s do this!”
How to Inspire Action:
- Share the “why”: Don’t just tell them what to do—tell them why it matters.
- Make it about them: Show how their involvement contributes to something meaningful.
- Bring the energy: Your enthusiasm is contagious, so bring it!
Example:
When rolling out a new project, don’t just say, “This is our goal.” Instead, say, “This isn’t just about hitting a target—it’s about creating a legacy of excellence that we can all be proud of.” Tie it to a bigger purpose, and people will be ready to run through walls for you.
It’s All About Balance
Here’s the thing: Each of these steps—building trust, understanding needs, communicating clearly, and inspiring action—works together. If you skip one, your whole influence game is off. But when you balance all four? That’s when you become the leader people want to follow, not because they have to, but because they choose to.
Your Turn: Practice the Four Steps
Next time you’re trying to influence someone—whether it’s in a meeting, a pitch, or even convincing your friends to try that new brunch spot (you know it’s always better than dinner)—ask yourself these four questions:
- Am I building trust?
- Do I understand what matters to them?
- Is my message clear and engaging?
- Am I inspiring action?
When you master these, you’re not just influencing—you’re leading with intention, impact, and heart.